Compartments

key-to-my-heart-love-33141436-653-490

Compartments

An independent woman

Does not easily integrate

The pieces of her life in compartments

Borne of necessity

Her children, once her reason for existing,

Their compartment:  ‘Unconditional Love’

Her career, her fuel, her distraction, her success

Its’ compartment:  ‘Accomplishment’

Her house (has she ever had a home?)

A nesting in progress, a need, home

Its compartment:  ‘Shelter’

Your time, a precious commodity

Her selfish need

Its compartment:  ‘Warmth’

Your love

Your… love?

She pushes it aside, the discomfort alarms her

As she anxiously shuffles compartments

The click-click of the key in the tumbler

Her heart, the resistant receptacle

Debris from the past

Taking up space

Where you belong

She sweeps at the remains in one frustrated motion

The pain blows back, like ashes in the wind

Persistent reminders

Vestiges of memory, she gathers

Placing them in a separate box

Labeled  ‘The Past’

She will visit it only as needed

To clean the compartment, bit by bit

Ridding herself of the damaging debris

The useless drudgery of their failures

Abuse, heartache

Will not co-exist with love

Nor will she allow the damage to permeate

Only one key allows entry

The cylindrical lock aligned

Allowing rotation

Swinging inward, open

This compartment ‘Her Heart’

Most fragile of them all

With shaking fingers

She gives it to you.

Advertisements

All I Really Want – Alanis Morissette – Jagged Little Pill

Darling, You've Been Poisoned

“Do I stress you out? My sweater is on backwards and inside out and you say how appropriate… And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn’t there already. And all I really want is some patience. A way to calm the angry voice. And all I really want is deliverance. And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land. If only I could meet the Maker. What I wouldn’t give to find a soulmate. Someone else to catch this drift. And what I wouldn’t give to meet a kindred. All I really want is some peace man. A place to find a common ground. All I really want is some comfort. A way to get my hands untied. And all I really want is some justice…”

View original post

Hurt is Here to Hold Me

Image

Hurt is here to hold me

As I push you away

You claim to offer rescue

From the pain

Are you insane?

What keeps me alive,

But the stab of hurt’s knife?

If I allow myself to feel

Alive

I will die

The hurt surrounds my heart

Protective

Reflective

Sins of the past

They came so fast

From my false protector

Forbidden danger

Force of anger

Pushing me under

I’m held there

Suffocated

By the force, the ache

Guardian of disaster

My life taken in trade

My own bed I have made

Disdain

Remains

Rage

Pressure building

Deep within

Smoldering fire

Gust of wind

Blaze ignited, out of control

Path of destruction

As force takes hold

Furious flames

Burst forth

Internal combustion

No more

Volcanic eruption

Spew of blackened embers

Pieces of my soul

Dismembered

Hideous carnage

Bloodbath of anger

Rise up from the wreckage

Fueled by dark hunger

There’s no going back

I’ve turned the page

Releasing

Rage

Strength

Strength

 

Internal compass demagnetized, skewed

Loss of direction,

My senses fooled

One wrong turn leading to certain danger

Trembling, in the presence of a familiar stranger

Enveloped by complete and utter darkness

My entire being warmed by this comforting blackness

Standing utterly still; I can’t help but listen

The voice within begins

Steady condemnation

‘Trusting yourself? You are but a fool.

Must I remind you of all that you can’t do?’

Relentless scorn, I struggle to breathe

I try not to listen, I beg for reprieve

Weakened, exhaustion slows my heart rate

Overcome, I begin to concede to my fate

When suddenly

A burst of flame ignites

I stand up in anger

I’m ready to fight

Internal battle, this war now waged

My inner child released;

Enraged, uncaged

As I draw my sword of complete competence

I slay the frightful dragons, once omnipotent

Weakness, fear, slain by my own hand

Never to return again

The girl inside looks on in amazement

She never felt so completely protected

Taking her hand, her spirit I’ve freed

Trusting my instincts to show unto me

As darkness gives way to blinding sunlight

I realize: I’ve finally found

The strength

To fight