I must preface this post by saying I didn’t write it. This is the excerpt from a book (credits to follow) that I read at a very critical time in the middle of a chaotic and abusive relationship. It spoke volumes to me and I saved it and refer to it during those times when I contemplate how I got out. I share it with you now:
“She liked the beginnings of things. The pure white possibility of the empty room, the first kiss, the first swipe at larceny. And endings, she liked endings too. The drama of the smashing glass, the dead bird, the tearful goodbye, the last awful word which could never be unsaid or unremembered.
It was the middles that gave her pause. This, for all its forward momentum, this was a middle. The beginnings were sweet, the endings usually bitter, but the middles were only the tightrope you walked between the one and the other. No more than that.
So much had to happen in the middle, and no matter how often she had rehearsed it in her mind, she didn’t trust the middle…. You could lose your balance, your way.. In the middle, things always happened you hadn’t planned on and it was these things, the possibility of these things, that haunted and troubled her, that showed now in the soft mauve hollows beneath her dark almond eyes.
Love and money. She could not believe that her life, as barren and as aimless as it had been, would end without love or money. She could not, would not accept that as a fact, because to accept it now would mean that the end had already come and gone”
Passage from: “A Reliable Wife”, a novel by Robert Coolrick